Thursday, February 22, 2007


On the way back from Arizona, my friend ran over a cow. No, really. Thats not some punchline to some joke, it happened. A cow. She ran over a cow. I feel really bad for the cow, but this has got to be the most ridiculous story I heard all year.

Thats all, just had to share.

-- DBW --

Sunday, February 18, 2007

The "mine" of "Menstealia"

Despise. Cant stand. Which is worse?

I think despise is a much stronger word, as in, I despise Barry Bonds. I cant stand Carlos Mencia. Hes close to Bonds level, but I seriously doubt anyone else will ever reach that point. Still, if he were wiped from the Earth, I wouldnt care. Honestly, I dont know if I would even notice.
The very first time I saw Carlos "the crazy Mexican" Mencia - real name Ned "the half German half Honduran" Holness - I was flipping through the tv late one night and saw some show on Comedy Central with some guy telling racial jokes. Turns out it was Carlos and the show was "Mind of Mencia." It was almost over, I had nothing better to do, so I sat and watched. When it ended I recall sitting there wondering what I had just seen. The comedian was obnoxious, the jokes were stale - even if it was the first time I had heard them - and the whole thing was in no way funny. And at the end he started going off on some incoherent ramble about how everyone should "just get along." Truthfully, I laughed harder when I heard Rodney King say it the first time. And I guess that was the start of the problem... little did I know that him ripping off Rodney wasnt the first, last, or only time hes stolen from somebody.
Since that show Ive seen him rise to even greater fame. And I have no idea why. I even have friends that practically worship him as a God. Seriously. If there was a shrine to the guy, theyd be sacrificing their kids on its altar. I said seriously, right? And the majority of these friends, actually, probably all of them, are Mexican. Real Mexican, not the fake "Carlos" kind. I wonder of that means anything.

Most of you know Joe Rogan as being the host of Fear Factor. Im sure very few of you know hes also a comedian. Until about a year or so ago, I was one of the people that had no clue, but it turns out the guy has been performing on stage for almost half my life. Whoda thunk it?
Ive never seen Joe perform a full set, either live or on tv, but I have heard bits and pieces and hes surprisingly funny. Surprising because all I had ever known of him was seeing him trying to convince people to eat horse penis or hosting the second coming of "The Man Show" which, sorry Joe, I found myself unable to watch.

So in my left hand you have Joe who I find funny and in my right you have "Carlos" who I cant stand. Guess which hand I wipe my ass with.

Anywho, February 10th, 2007 Joe Rogan was at the Comedy Store in Hollywood and he had just introduced the next comedian, and Joe brings up the fact that this guy works for, his words, "Carlos Menstealia."
Why? Well, over the years, theres been numerous comedians, Joe being the most vocal, accusing "Carlos" of stealing material from them and thus creating the whole "Carlos Mencia" character, getting his own tv show, and becoming fairly rich... off of their stuff. And its not just their word against his, theres also been an ever growing pile of audio and video evidence to support their claims. So, simply put, "Carlos" is a thief and Joe was pissed and not gonna take it anymore.
So the other night, Joe introduces the next guy, leaves the stage, and then "Carlos" rushes it and grabs the mic and starts calling Joe out saying he doesnt have the balls to say it to his face. Unfortunately for "Carlos" Joe turned around and got back on stage. It was high noon, the gunslingers were in the street facing each other, and when they heard "Draw!" Joe unholstered his gun and "Carlos".................................... forgot to bring one:

If you watched the video, just know that if I didnt hate "Carlos" Id almost feel bad for him. Almost. The boy just got tore up, on stage, in public, with cameras rolling, and now hundreds... no thousands... no MILLIONS of people have since seen his humiliation, and have seen him for what he really is.
So whats the aftermath of all this? "Carlos" got pulled from his comedy club bookings, his show got cancelled, and he fled to Germany to live the rest of his life as Ned. Right? Umm... not quite. What really happened is that The Comedy Store told Joe to "take a break" or in other words, dont come back. And Joe got dumped by his agent... the same agent that represents "Carlos". Oh, and the videos of what happened keep getting pulled from YouTube due to "Carlos" claiming copyright infringement or something... and it wasnt even his video.
So yes, thats how it works in the real world of Hollywood: the bad guy gets away with murder/stealing/fraud/steroids/whatever and the victims get the shaft, again, from the people that should be trying to prevent such things from happening in the first place.

Dee dee dee: Websters unofficial unreal dictionary (third edition) defines it as "A phrase used to denounce the actions of people considered to be stupid. It doesn’t refer to people “who were born retarded,” but rather people “who were born, and are now retarded.” Like half-German, half-Honduran, fake-Mexicans, who steal other peoples material and refuse to admit to it even in the face of unquestionable proof. See "Carlos Mencia."

So to you Ned I say this... Dee dee dee.

Aight yo, thats my beef for today. So until next time...

-- DBW --

Wednesday, February 14, 2007


Yall --

Being Valentines Day and all, I figured this would be a perfect time to write about my heart troubles. Too bad its medical and not emotional.
Ive always had issues with my heart/chest. When I was a kid I had a heart murmur, but it apparently went away. And now, as an adult, I have continual chest pains. Not the type that causes difficulty breathing, but the kind that gives me pause and makes me wonder whats going on. And yeah, its scary.
A few years ago Id describe them as very painful - like a pulled muscle - but occurring with great time lapses between episodes. Today, Id describe them as an annoyance, but happening with less time between them - perhaps once every other day, maybe once every three days.
Considering that I have had these for what amounts to forever, Im not in too great of a rush to get it checked out. However, considering my diet and my age, I should know better and at least go see whats up. Which brings up one other valid point to not going to the doctor... to paraphrase Jesse Ventura in "Predator"... "I aint got time to be sick."
Going to the doctor, and finding out that I need to be fixed, would require time off from work and a loss of income, which I cant afford. Literally. And I do realize the flip side to that, not going to the doctor and having a heart attack and dying would cause a permanent loss of income. Broke if I do, dead if I dont.
So for now, my solution has been to alter my diet. I no longer consume huge quantities of food. I still have the ability to, I still have the hunger to, I just control myself. My hope is that by doing this my "annoyances" will cease and Ill get back to feeling normal again. Well, normal for me anyway.

The timing is odd, but its time for me to end this and go get some food.

Hopefully Ill be here sometime in the future to write something else. If not... ?

-- DBW --