Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 07, 2008
The physical portion was the total opposite of every other ride Ive been on. Gone were the sore knees, the pounding chest, the cramps in my side, and every other ache and pain (except for the damn elbow), and in its place was The. Best. Ride. Ever.
I felt good, I rode good, everything was good. I was happy and excited, not just for how I felt, but also because today was proof that I wasnt as bad as my previous rides had suggested I was. I had even managed on a couple of occasions to catch up to, and keep pace with, "real" bike riders. Yeah, if it were a race theyd leave me in the dust, but for now, I was their equal. And that felt good. But what felt the best was that I was FINALLY able to keep up with Stephanie. I had always felt bad - for me, for her, and physically - that I was always pulling up the rear. But now, I was right beside her the whole way. And for once I "got" what this biking thing was supposed to be.
So what was the difference? Gears. Yep, just the gears. I had been riding with 2 on the left gear and 3 on the right - or on 6 - and this time I went all the way to 3 and 7 - or 21. I had feared doing so because I was a rookie and high gears are "just for good riders", but upon going higher my whole ride changed. Yeah, I had to work for it because it was harder, but it felt good, and I never felt pain.
And for the first time, we managed to ride each way in 45 minutes. And considering we did like 90 minutes the first time and then an hour the other times, 45 minutes was amazing. And once we were done, I was looking forward to the next time for the first time since we started riding.
Bike ride #6 was on the 6th of December.
For the first time CJ was able to join us. Same route. Same times. The only major difference this time was that we decided to eat at a different place. We had some BBQ and it was good, and like the Italian place, it was alot of food. Too much to eat in one sitting and especially too much to eat on a bike ride.
Oh, and on the way back I was riding behind a guy who was in a bike that was powered by just his arms. Not sure if he was paralyzed or just doing upper body work, but he was able to keep an 11mph pace... with his arms. Insane.
Number 7 is on Tuesday, and Ill update you soon after. So, until then...
-- DBW --
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Anywho, Ozzy goes around town, doing various things - ordering coffee, taking a taxi, talking to a therapist - and in each instance the person across from Ozzy has no clue what hes saying. That is, until he whips out his cell phone and text messages them.
Ok, I can excuse the therapist because maybe hes one of the few people in the world that would have Ozzys cell number, but... the Starbucks guy and the taxi driver? How are they on Ozzys contact list?
I see two explanations: 1) Ozzy is such a great guy that he gives his number to everyone or 2) this new phone has a contact list that includes everyone you will ever meet. Either way, I want in on this thing.
Aight, back to Hulk I go. Until next time...
-- DBW --
Monday, September 08, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Its taken me many years, and four trips to the golf course - 45 holes total - to decide that, but it has to be true. There is no way someone can take a stick, hit a motionless ball laying on the ground, and have it go pretty much where they want it to. Impossible.
My latest adventure, and thus my "mind making upper" outing, happened two days ago. I went to a course I had never played, which, honestly, is most of them, but this one pretty much kicked my butt.
Derek and I planned on playing 18 holes - the first time I attempted such a thing - and we hoped not to make fools of ourselves doing so. Didnt go so well.
We arrived about 45 minutes early and decided we should practice a bit before our tee time, so we go to check in and the guy says "Would you like to tee off early?" and we responded with a regrettable, "Sure, why not." Not that practicing would have made us Tiger Woods, but perhaps it would have made us a little bit less "Sam and Derek."
Anywho, we hop in our cart, and sit patiently for the groups in front of us to go and we actually - jokingly? - contemplated just sitting right where we were for the rest of our time there - the shade was nice, we had alot of water, and we werent exactly anxious to hack up the course. Sadly, the groups finished and the only people waiting to go was us, so I stepped on the gas and we made our way to the first tee.
Before we even hit our first ball, things went down hill. A guy approaches me, tells me his name, and says that he was told to join us. NO! So I smile and say ok and he says "So whats your name?" And I go "Sam... and by the way, we suck." There, right from the beginning, I let the guy know he was in for a world of hurt. I couldnt have been more up front if I tried. So he was warned.
So, after a few misses, we tee off... horribly... and then the guy tees off... not so horribly... and we were left picking our egos up off the grass. And this same pattern would continue, hole after hole, shot after shot, for about 6 holes until the guy finally says to us "Umm... Im just gonna go ahead." Thank you!
So now the dude joins another group, leaving us to fend for ourselves. And Id like to say we overcame the odds, and conquered the course, but that could not be any farther from the truth. I wont focus on Dereks foibles and follies, that would be mean, but lets just say he was right there with me.
As for myself, we played 18 holes, and I lost at least a dozen golf balls. Seriously. They either went into one of the many water hazards, or I hit them so far out of bounds that finding them became impossible. Primarily, its cuz I suck, but on this particular day I just happened to have developed an absurdly ridiculous right hook to every single tee shot. I was clueless how to correct it, so it finally got to the point where I literally starting teeing off hard left, so that when it hooked right Id actually be somewhere near the center of the fairway.
It worked ok for the most part, except for one hole, and one shot, that in theory is impossible, except that it did happen. Ill attempt to explain this... on this hole, if you were to tee off straight, you would have hit directly into woods. So, you either had to try and hit up and over, or try and curve the ball around. Me, not being skilled enough to do either, I figured Id just continue to hit hard left, let it curve right, and hopefully Id be ok. So I step up to the tee, take my swing, and left it goes... then right it goes... and its not stopping going to the right. I realize how stupid this sounds, but the ball almost made a "U". Apparently I was using Australian balls, cuz the darn thing tried to come back to me.
We finally managed to survive the course, and three hours later we pulled the cart back into its spot and went for a much deserved meal. Well, I ate, Derek asked the cute waitress for a doggy bag cuz his tummy was full.
Anywho, golf is fake, and dont try and tell me otherwise.
-- DBW --
In recent weeks, Ive been taking the bus on a regular basis, which is kinda cool cuz only on public transportation can a "normal" guy sit in far too close a proximity to lesbian crack whore hookers, a guy screaming in an ancient Aztec tongue, or people who deem it their obligation to loudly share their music with their fellow passengers and sometimes feel the need to sing it to them also.
Which brings me to my point... why is it that people feel compelled to force their music onto others? The other day Im on the bus and Im sitting across for a woman who has a cell phone, and she has the thing turned up as load as it will go, and shes playing some song. Once it ends, she replays it. Over. And over. And over. And shes singing along to it, and I have to add, very badly.
Then today, I take a seat close to a guy who I nicknamed "Rex" for reasons I shall go to Hell for, and he too was playing his music for the world. At least Im pretty sure thats what was going on, but I cant be positive cuz his "singing" drowned out most of the sound coming from his music box. And, to make matters worse, Im literally like 5 feet from him, his singing loudly, and I have no clue what hes saying. None. It was just total gibberish and... oh, I get it, he was probably listening to rap. Makes sense now.
Anywho, dont you people know that headphones were invented for a reason? Its so people like me, who wish to ride in peace and quiet, dont have to listen to your horrible country rap and even worse singing.
It also annoys me when I get to the bus stop early, and patiently sit on the bench and wait for the bus to arrive, only to have someone arrive at the last minute and jump on the bus in front of me.
Think about anything else in the world, be it in line for food, for a ride at an amusement park, death row... where else, besides a bus stop, do people feel its ok to just jump ahead of everyone else that was there before them? Thats just rude.
I wish that all bathrooms, public and private, would come with either sound proof doors, or some kind of white noise generator so that the person inside can do whatever without fear of embarrassment, and so that those outside dont have to listen to those without shame. Is that too much to ask?
If you walk up to a bathroom door, and its locked, it means someone is in there. It doest mean to try and turn the handle again, or push harder on the door, it means wait your turn. Its also very annoying to stand outside a locked bathroom door and do things to make the person hurry up, like coughing or repeatedly trying the door again and again. Doing any of these things gives the person inside performance anxiety and makes you look like a jerk, so just go about your business, let them do theirs, and come back in a few minutes.
I feel better now.
Til next time...
-- DBW --
Friday, July 11, 2008
One second youre completely fine, everything is perfectly normal, youre having a conversation, and then the very next second vomit wants to expel itself from your mouth. That very scenario has happened twice in my life, the latest was yesterday at the dentist office.Yesterday was my final dental appointment and I was getting my temporary front crowns removed and replaced with my permanent ones. I was sitting in the chair and the assistant told me she was going to take them out and I asked "Is this going to hurt?" She said, "It shouldnt." She didnt lie, the removal didnt hurt, not even a bit.
Then I took a deep breath...
The air rushed in, up, around, and past my now exposed teeth, the pain was extreme, my stomach got queasy, and it took all I had to keep from throwing up. I fought it, kept it inside, and the next thing I know the room starts spinning, light is starting to fade, and I actually had to sit up and put my head between my legs to keep myself from passing out.
I can honestly say I have never been more relieved to see a needle in my life. The doc came in, I was totally numb, and life was good again. Moral of the story, make sure drugs are handy before you say "Is this going to hurt?"
Til next time...
-- DBW --
Monday, June 02, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Not being a true fan, I have to admit I had no clue who Joe was. But I did know Bernard, and I knew he was a really good fighter, and in my mind, I just assumed Joe would taste defeat quickly. Little did I know, Joe was actually very well skilled. My bad.
The reason I was interested in the fight was not because I was expecting some pugilistic masterpiece, but because someone I was familiar with, someone I "knew", someone I thought was above the whole color thing, decided to go and insert race into the fight.
Yes, Bernard Hopkins, a black fighter, said about Joe Calzaghe "I would never let a white boy beat me. I would never lose to a white boy. I couldn't go back to the projects if I let a white boy beat me."
Not only did he call him "white" but he also called him a "boy." Could you imagine the uproar if it was the other way around? Could you imagine how the media would vilify Joe - and rightfully so - if he had said "I would never let a black boy beat me. I would never lose to a black boy. I couldn't go back to the suburbs if I let a black boy beat me"?
So seeing as I hate racism, no matter whos doing the offending, I was anxious to see just what would happen once they got into the ring. And I wasnt disappointed. In a split decision, "white boy" Joe Calzaghe beat Bernard "The Racist Executioner" Hopkins, and in the process becoming the new champion.
However, Mr Hopkins is in complete denial of the whole thing and swears "I won a unanimous decision." Seriously, he said that. But, he didnt say it from the projects cuz they locked the gates and wont let him in.
Til we meet again...
-- DBW --
Thursday, April 10, 2008
So I get off work, and on my way home, I decide to make a quick stop at my backyard grocery store - and by back yard, I really do mean its right behind my house. So Im walking through endless aisles of food, trying to find something to eat, and yet nothing is jumping off the shelves at me. Funny how whenever you have so many choices, you can never decide on anything. Just like with cable tv, 700+ channels, and nothing is on. Odd.
Anywho. So Im walking around and finally I get an idea... peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Not ever having one before, I decide this is a splendid idea and proceed to gather the makings of it. A scant few minutes later, Im in my house and fixing me a trio of goodness.
Yes, in my infinite wisdom, I decided that not only will I partake in one of these treats, but I shall have three at once. If Elvis liked them, then they have to be good.
Unfortunately, I should have realized that Elvis ate a bunch of crap, and if you were to have buttered up an old shoe and stuck a banana in it, he probably would have eaten that too. but I thought of no such thing and thus I took my first bite of the sandwich and was immediately underwhelmed. I took a second, and then a third, and I can honestly say, with total sincerity, that I couldnt taste a damn thing. It was like the banana cancelled out the peanut butter, and the peanut butter cancelled out the banana, and all I was left with was a big pile of mush between two pieces of bread.
I managed to choke down all three sandwiches and vowed to never "enjoy" any of these "treats" again.
If there was any good that came out of this, its that I can finally cross "peanut butter and banana sandwiches" off my "Things To Do" list. Umm... woohoo?
Til next time
-- DBW --
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Wanna know a secret? I have horrible short term memory. Basically I can be thinking about something and then... umm... crap! I had a thought I was gonna say, but I cant remember what it was.
I can literally be standing in one room, have a thought, walk to the next room, and the thought will have completely disappeared from my head. Gone. Its incredibly frustrating because sometimes theyre good thoughts, sometimes theyre important thoughts, but... I just cant remember. Sometimes theyll eventually show up again, but not quickly. And alot of the time, not when I can do anything about them.
A couple days ago I was in the shower, and I had thought of something I wanted to check on the computer when I got out. I turned around to reach for the soap, turned back around to face the water and... I had totally forgotten what I wanted to do. The thought still has not come back to me.
If this was something new for me, I think Id be a bit worried, but Ive had this problem for as long as I can remember. Ha! Theres kind of a joke there. And its only the short term memory that I have issues with. My long term is just fine. I can recall events, conversations, pretty much anything... as long as it didnt happen in the past two minutes.
I dont suppose theres a cure, or any other sort of help for this is there? And if there is, can someone write it down for me instead of whispering it in my ear, just my luck, Ill forget it.
Til next time...
-- DBW --
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Who would have thunk that a simple sentence would come back to haunt me, and as soon as it did even.
One of my favorite candies growing up was "Bottlecaps." And if you dont know what these are, or if you do not like them, then I dont know how we can be friends. Bottlecaps are incredible pieces of sugary goodness flavored like soda pop. You have your typical candy flavors of orange, strawberry, and grape, but what makes these candies so awesome is root beer and cola. Simply yummy.
Well it had been awhile since I had some, so I picked up a box at the store one day and got re-hooked. Maybe more like addicted. And in the following two weeks, I consumed roughly a dozen theatre size boxes of them. Addicted indeed.
Now, flash back to about two years ago. Blanca and I went to the beach, the first and only time in our relationship that we ever did so. We were in the water, playing in the waves, and a mighty big one was heading towards us. Nothing dangerous, just a big one to have fun with.
She was standing in front of me, as as the wave approached, she jumped up into the air. Unfortunately for me, her head smacked into my chin, cracking my teeth together, chipping one of the front ones.
For two years I lived with the chipped tooth, not really thinking anything of it. Not really thinking if I should be eating this or that, just going about my normal eating habits. Perhaps that was a mistake. Perhaps my eating habits had nothing to do with what was about to happen.
Flash back even further than the beach incident. Go back, maybe three or four years. Honestly, I forget exactly when, but thats the rough time frame.
I went to the dentist to have some work done. The guy was super nice, and after the first appointment with him, I would have been thrilled if he stayed my regular dentist forever. That was not to be the case, and my opinion of him was about to change.
After one of the follow up appointments I got home to notice, upon smiling at myself in the mirror, that my two front teeth had been filed down. Without my consent. Without even talking to me first. The guy just took it upon himself to do it. If he had done a decent job, I wouldnt have had issue, but he kinda filed em too far and not exactly evenly. In the process, my right front tooth ended up damaged. The same tooth that would become chipped in the Pacific.
Did I complain to the dentist about his shoddy, unapproved, work? Well, I would have except that I went to my next appointment only to find that the entire office had packed up and left. No, seriously, they were gone and nobody knew where they went to. Oh well.
So, we start with bad dental work, we continue to a chipped tooth at the beach, and we continue even more to an addiction to the sugary bliss of Bottlecaps. But where does it all lead?
Well, two Fridays ago, Im laying in bed and I bit down onto something and, that chipped part of my tooth finally broke away. In all honesty, its not a huge missing piece, but its a divot and to me its huge. And because it exists, I tend not to smile as much. And if Im talking to someone I just know theyre staring right at it. It has made me even more self conscious than I already was. And now I fear food and have started to shy away from certain things scared I might mess it up some more. I hope I wont be like this forever.
One final flash back. This time to the sixth grade. Yeah, that far back. Were all on the grass playing field hockey and I was running behind a kid after the ball and he went to take a shot and the follow through of his stick smacked me in the side of the head, causing two different injuries - a deviated septum and a, for lack of a proper term, misaligned jaw.
Because of the jaw injury, Ive always been reluctant to take pictures, or even to look people straight on. Thats why even when I do take pictures, youll rarely see me smile. So for those of you that have wondered why I always look so "pissed off" there ya go.
So now I have a misaligned jaw, a tooth with a divot, and I appear to be guilty of the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins... vanity. Oh well, one down, six to go.
Until next time...
-- DBW --
Friday, January 25, 2008
Lets suppose that on the eve of the first day of school the principal found that one of the students... lets call him Billy... had cheated and got all the answers to every test the school was going to have for the year. And lets suppose that the principal felt he had no choice but to punish Billy to such a degree that the school had never seen anything like it in its history.
Lets jump ahead to the last week of school, theres one test left to go, and looking back all at the previous ones, we see that Billy had not missed a single question and has gotten 100% on each and every test.
Would that surprise you that he had aced every test considering that he had already been caught cheating right before the school year started? And would it bug you that hes now being called the smartest kid in school, and will probably get an award for it?
If I had to stop and think about things, I think I might find that Im more upset for the praise being heaped upon little Billy Belichik than I am for the praise heaped upon his Patriots.
"The players still have to go out and play the game."
Its because of that that I dont necessarily hate the Patriots as much as I feel sorry for them. Granted, the players still have to go out and execute, but their coach already knows the answers to the questions, so even if the Patriots were awesome in their own right, theyre being placed in positions, in plays, that the coach knows will work - theyre benefiting from their coaches cheating, and thus, unfortunately, are cheaters themselves.
"But youre missing the point, even if they cheated, that didnt mean they knew everything that was going to happen in the game."
Very true, but there were a handful of games this year that the Patriots barely came out ahead in. The Giants, Colts, Ravens, Chargers, and Jets all had the Patriots within defeat, only to fall short themselves. And yes, I said the Jets. The Jets of New York lost to the awesome Patriots of New England by a mere 10 points. Those 10 points seem like nothing compared to how much the Patriots were beating other teams by.
So, even if all the answers werent known ahead of time, all it takes is one - one answer, one play - to push ahead. And what if, because of cheating, that one answer was the one to help them pull out a victory in a game they should have lost? And theres no way of knowing for sure one way or the other. So just because they didnt know all the answers, is that A+ still hard earned? Of course not.
So while the Patriots, by default, are cheaters, and Billy Belichick is unquestionably one, why does everyone continue to bow down to them when they walk by? Super Bowl victory or not, their "accomplishments" this year deserve as big an asterisk as anything Barry Bonds has done. Kinda sucks for them considering that this could have been the best year in NFL history, instead, it just proves again that cheaters do win.
-- DBW --
Saturday, January 12, 2008
So, it appears that Mr William Smith is now in cahoots with the vanilla midget Tom Cruise. Obscure wrestling reference thrown in for the heck of it.
Ok, so he says hes not a Scientologist, but just that hes a student of the world and Scientology is 98% of the same teachings as the Bible, Hinduism, and Buddhism. Now, if youre like me, youd say thats 98% of a bunch of not that much anyway, but I digress.
He also gave his cast mates a card for a personality test at their favorite Scientology Center. A test, which is free anyway. Why not just give a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card from Monopoly? Each is worth exactly the same.
Anyway, I went to IMDB.com and took some of Will Smiths projects and replaced a word in the title with the word "Xenu" and hilarity ensued. Laugh along with me, wont you...
I Am Xenu
The Pursuit Of Xenu
All Of Xenu
Bad Xenu and Bad Xenu 2
Xenu In Black or the porn version Men In Xenu
The Xenu Of Bel Air
Six Degrees Of Xenu
Xenu In America
Where The Xenu Takes You
The Perfect Xenu
Xenu & Cookies
The Secret Life Of Xenu
The Xenu Contract
Xenu Or Die
And who can forget his start as part of the rap duo DJ Jazzy Xenu and The Fresh Prince?
Ah Willy, what the Hell man, what the Hell?
-- DBW --
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Well, 2007 has come and gone, and nows as good a time as any to look back and see what I did... or didnt do.
Unlike last time, I did not keep track of all the food I ate. It was too much work, and it was kinda scary looking back and seeing all the crap I consumed. So, done with that. But this is what I did keep track of:
Books. I read 6 of em. Thats one every two months, and 5 more than I read in 2006.
Movies. I watched 109 of them in 2007, three dozen more than the year before. Thats a very rough, 1 every 3 days, and I probably watched so many considering that I didnt really go anywhere. Which brings us to...
Places. In 2006 I went to 55 places. Not really alot, but on average, once every 6 days. In 2007 I went to 42 places, or one every 8 days.
If we only look at the places I went with Blanca - minus vacation - then in 2006 I went to 47 places, or one every 7 days. In 2007 I went to 28 places, or once every two weeks.
So there we go. 2007 in review. Hopefully 2008 will be filled with more fun than last year. Well, it cant get worse... right?
-- DBW --