Sunday, December 24, 2006


Hello once again --

As most of you that actually know me know, Im probably one of the least "tech" people in the world. Id say I was THE least, but Im sure theres some tribesman in Uganda, sitting in a mud hut, that would debate that claim. Then again, I think I recall a couple Discovery Channel shows that showed that same tribesman bobbing his head to the sounds coming out of his iPod, so who knows.
Point is, as much as I enjoy checking out new gadgets and do-dads that Id like to have one day, I have very few, if any, of the things that are now common place in our society. I dont have an aforementioned iPod, or any other mp3 player. No cell phone. No dvd player other than my PS2, yet I still have a VCR. Heck, I havent even had a watch since my last one broke three years ago. I guess my biggest "gadget" would be my laptop Im using to type this up on.
But like I said, I enjoy the coolness of things that are technologically wonderful and theres one site I go to every single day to check them out: OhGizmo.
So if you ever get a minute, you might wanna check it out and perhaps youll stumble across the next "it" thing that everyone has to have.

And that is you site of the day. Enjoy.

-- DBW --

But I wann et

Merry Christmas Eve --

You know what I want for Christmas? No, not world peace, Id never ask for that cuz too many people would be out of jobs. No, not a million dollars, but I do pray to the Lottery Fairy every night. No, what Id like for Christmas is to never ever again have to see... no, hear... that Jessica Simpson "Daisy Duke" Direct TV commercial!
I could watch the commercial all day cuz I actually have a thing for Miss Simpson. Shes not my favorite female celebrity - I love you Mandy Moore! - but shes pretty darn cute. And those shorts and tight shirt look damn good on her too. But good Lord, PLEASE just turn the sound off!!!
Her Southern accent is quite dreadful, but in all honesty, I can tolerate it. The one thing in the whole commercial that drives me nuts is the background soundtrack.


What the Hell is that?!


Make it stop!!!


Please! I cant take it anymore.


My ears are bleeding.

Thats not music. It cant be. Theres no song in the history of bad music - or music in general - that would feature the sound of a cat, in heat, being tortured. Hell, it would even make Yoko Ono roll over in her grave. What..... shes not dead? Really? Well then, I guess I know what shes been up to. So Santa, please read my letter.....

Dear Big Guy,

Ive been a good boy this year, Ive eaten all my veggatibles, Ive listened to the old people, and Ive looked both ways before stealing office supplies. And, since you never got me that pony I asked for when I was a kid, I think you kinda owe me one. So please, just make it go away. Make the pain stop.

Your pal, Sammy.

Anywho, til next time yall...

-- DBW --

PS: In one of the cruelest twists imaginable, while I was typing this, the damn commercial aired twice on ESPN. TWICE!!! Why God, WHY?!?!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Kill Barry Bonds!

Sup yo --

Im a couple days late with this, but my hatred for Baroid Bonds knows no time frame.

LAKE BUENA VISTA, Fla. -- The Giants agreed in principle on Thursday to re-sign slugger Barry Bonds for the 2007 season, said a source with knowledge of the negotiations.
The deal, pending Bonds passing the requisite physical, is believed to be one year for $16 million, and guarantees that Bonds will continue his pursuit of Hank Aaron's Major League all-time home run record in his familiar No. 25 San Francisco uniform.

Lets look at that again. Barry Bonds, a known and admitted steroid user, who has at least one bad knee and at times needs crutches to walk, just signed a one year deal for $16 million dollars - and if everything lines up properly, hell end up making $20m - and will be allowed to continue his grossly undeserved pursuit of a hallowed baseball record set years ago by a truly great athlete and a classy person.
Nobody wants this to happen. Unless they live in San Francisco, where the whole city has hopped aboard the giant Balco needle sticking out of Baroids ass and are more than happy to ride it, and him, all the way to the record.
What happened to the Barry that said last year that he would never do anything to tarnish Hank Aarons record? What happened to the small glimmer of hope that Barry would quietly slip into nothingness once the season was over and let the record stand, the way it should? Oh yeah, his ego, and $16 million dollars got in the way. And now it appears that nothing will stop a juiced up Barry from hitting 21 more home runs and stealing something he knows he has no business of getting into smelling distance of.
The record will be tarnished. The game will be tarnished. And a great man will be erased from the record books. But none of that matters to a hopped up, egotistical, waste of a human being.

Kill Barry Bonds. And kill him now before its too late.

-- DBW --

Wrestling fans are dumb

Hola my peeps --

Being one myself, its kind of difficult for me to say this, but I hate wrestling fans. Ok, maybe not hate, maybe just embarrassed by them. No, even better: I hate them, they embarrass me, and in turn, I am embarrassed for them.
I went down to Ticketmaster yesterday to buy tickets for Smackdown in February and managed to snag the second spot in line, which is odd cuz Im usually around number 10. The guy in front of me happened to be an acquaintance from work. Not someone that works with me, just someone that comes in alot to shop. Our little line quickly grew to three and so I didnt have to bother with any forced conversation with my "friend." Unfortunately, this is where my embarrassment comes in.
Im probably not at the top of anybodys "cool" scale, but Id like to believe - even if its a delusional belief - that I can pass for it once in a while. So there I am, standing in line being cool, and guys 1 and 3 are talking about wrestling. Not unusual for people to talk about what theyre planning to see... except when the people are going to see a fictional show and, on some level, honestly believe that what they see in the ring is real. Two people who know its entertainment could not have had the conversations these two were having. To watch wrestling requires a suspension of belief, but these guys were in denial. And, sadly, theyre not alone. And to back that point up, guy 4 walks in and joins the conversation.
So again, there I am, in line, trying to be cool, while three morons are talking about the very "real" sport of wrestling. There were many times I wanted to laugh, like when they tried talking about the actual real behind the scenes issues, cuz it was all bullshit, it was like they were trying to impress each other, except that it was obvious neither knew anything. Or when they used words like "anthrology" and called wrestlers by the wrong name. Or when one guy said "You know whats funny? How theyre all dying." How is that funny? And the guys he named, theyd been dead for year. Kinda like me saying "You know whats funny? How all the movies are silent and in black and white." Neither funny nor currently relevant.
Really, I never wanted to be farther away from a group of people than I did today. And thats saying alot considering the company I keep.
So now its 10am, the ticket window opens, and they call the first guy - the guy I know - up to buy tickets. Obviously I cant recall the seats exactly, but what follows is how the next eight minutes went:

Guy 1: "Id like to buy 2 tickets, on the floor, section B, by the ramp."
Ticketmaster: "The best seats I can get you are Floor C, Row 2, Seats 4 and 5."
Guy 1: "Umm.... (turning to Guy 3 in line) can I see your map again?"
Guy 3: "Yeah, here you go."
Guy 1: "So he says these are the tickets I can get, are those good seats?"
Guy 3: "Yeah, theyre ok I guess."
Guy 1: (Back to the Ticketmaster guy) "Ok, can I get those?"
TM: "Sorry, those tickets are gone now."
Guy 1: "...................umm......... ok, umm........ where can I get now?"
TM: "The best I can get you are Floor G, Row 8, Seats 9 and 10."
Guy 1: "Ok, umm, how much are those going to be?"
TM: "$75 each, plus a $12 service charge."
Guy 1: "$75 each, plus a $12 service charge?"
TM: "Yes."
Guy 1: "Ok, umm...... what can I get for $50?"
TM: "For $50 I can get you.... Loge 7, Row 3, Seats 12 and 13."
Guy 1: (Turning to Guy 3) "Can I see your map again?"
Guy 3: "Ok."
Guy 1: "So what do you think, are these good seats?"
Guy 3: "Well, if you get these seats you can see over the crowd (demonstrates this with his hands) and you wont have to worry about people standing up and blocking your view."
Guy 1: "So then I should get these then?"
Guy 3: "Yeah."
Guy 1: (Turning back to Ticketmaster) "Ok, can I get those?"
TM: "Sorry, those are gone now."
Guy 1: "..................... oh, what about those seats you told me the first time?"
TM: "Those are already gone."
Guy 1: "...............................ok, where can I get on the floor?"
TM: "The best right now is Floor Q, Row 5, Seats 4 and 5."
Guy 1: "And those are how much?"
TM: "$75 plus a $12 service charge."
Guy 1: "$75 plus a $12 service charge?"
TM: "Yes."
Guy 1: (Counting his money) "And for $50 I can get what again?"
TM: "Right now I can get you Loge 12, Row 9, Seats 16 and 17."
Guy 1: "...................................................................................... (to Guy 3) Can I see your map?"
Guy 3: "Sure."
Guy 1: "Hmm.... he says I can get here or here."
Guy 3: "Try to get these."
Guy 1: (Back to Ticketmaster) "Ok, can I get the floor ones?"
TM: Sorry, those are gone now."
Guy 1: "........................ ok, can I get the Loge ones?"
TM: "Sorry, those are now gone too."
Guy 1: "........................ umm............. can I just get the best you have then?"
TM: "That would be Floor Z, Row 70, Seats 99 and 100."
Guy 1: "And how much are those?"
TM: "$75 and a $12 service charge."
Guy 1: "Ok, Ill get those."

I swear to you, I wanted to go up and slap the boy upside the head. Did he not comprehend that he had to make a quick decision? Did he not comprehend that there was a line of people behind him that were losing seats cuz he was being a dumbass?
So what seats did I get? Not the ones I usually do cuz, for some odd reason, I was delayed getting to the ticket window. Hopefully theyll be pretty decent enough though and well have a good time. Otherwise, the next time my "friend" comes into the store, Im kicking his ass. For real.

Til next time...

-- DBW --