Sunday, December 24, 2006

But I wann et

Merry Christmas Eve --

You know what I want for Christmas? No, not world peace, Id never ask for that cuz too many people would be out of jobs. No, not a million dollars, but I do pray to the Lottery Fairy every night. No, what Id like for Christmas is to never ever again have to see... no, hear... that Jessica Simpson "Daisy Duke" Direct TV commercial!
I could watch the commercial all day cuz I actually have a thing for Miss Simpson. Shes not my favorite female celebrity - I love you Mandy Moore! - but shes pretty darn cute. And those shorts and tight shirt look damn good on her too. But good Lord, PLEASE just turn the sound off!!!
Her Southern accent is quite dreadful, but in all honesty, I can tolerate it. The one thing in the whole commercial that drives me nuts is the background soundtrack.


What the Hell is that?!


Make it stop!!!


Please! I cant take it anymore.


My ears are bleeding.

Thats not music. It cant be. Theres no song in the history of bad music - or music in general - that would feature the sound of a cat, in heat, being tortured. Hell, it would even make Yoko Ono roll over in her grave. What..... shes not dead? Really? Well then, I guess I know what shes been up to. So Santa, please read my letter.....

Dear Big Guy,

Ive been a good boy this year, Ive eaten all my veggatibles, Ive listened to the old people, and Ive looked both ways before stealing office supplies. And, since you never got me that pony I asked for when I was a kid, I think you kinda owe me one. So please, just make it go away. Make the pain stop.

Your pal, Sammy.

Anywho, til next time yall...

-- DBW --

PS: In one of the cruelest twists imaginable, while I was typing this, the damn commercial aired twice on ESPN. TWICE!!! Why God, WHY?!?!

No comments: