Saturday, December 09, 2006

Wrestling fans are dumb

Hola my peeps --

Being one myself, its kind of difficult for me to say this, but I hate wrestling fans. Ok, maybe not hate, maybe just embarrassed by them. No, even better: I hate them, they embarrass me, and in turn, I am embarrassed for them.
I went down to Ticketmaster yesterday to buy tickets for Smackdown in February and managed to snag the second spot in line, which is odd cuz Im usually around number 10. The guy in front of me happened to be an acquaintance from work. Not someone that works with me, just someone that comes in alot to shop. Our little line quickly grew to three and so I didnt have to bother with any forced conversation with my "friend." Unfortunately, this is where my embarrassment comes in.
Im probably not at the top of anybodys "cool" scale, but Id like to believe - even if its a delusional belief - that I can pass for it once in a while. So there I am, standing in line being cool, and guys 1 and 3 are talking about wrestling. Not unusual for people to talk about what theyre planning to see... except when the people are going to see a fictional show and, on some level, honestly believe that what they see in the ring is real. Two people who know its entertainment could not have had the conversations these two were having. To watch wrestling requires a suspension of belief, but these guys were in denial. And, sadly, theyre not alone. And to back that point up, guy 4 walks in and joins the conversation.
So again, there I am, in line, trying to be cool, while three morons are talking about the very "real" sport of wrestling. There were many times I wanted to laugh, like when they tried talking about the actual real behind the scenes issues, cuz it was all bullshit, it was like they were trying to impress each other, except that it was obvious neither knew anything. Or when they used words like "anthrology" and called wrestlers by the wrong name. Or when one guy said "You know whats funny? How theyre all dying." How is that funny? And the guys he named, theyd been dead for year. Kinda like me saying "You know whats funny? How all the movies are silent and in black and white." Neither funny nor currently relevant.
Really, I never wanted to be farther away from a group of people than I did today. And thats saying alot considering the company I keep.
So now its 10am, the ticket window opens, and they call the first guy - the guy I know - up to buy tickets. Obviously I cant recall the seats exactly, but what follows is how the next eight minutes went:

Guy 1: "Id like to buy 2 tickets, on the floor, section B, by the ramp."
Ticketmaster: "The best seats I can get you are Floor C, Row 2, Seats 4 and 5."
Guy 1: "Umm.... (turning to Guy 3 in line) can I see your map again?"
Guy 3: "Yeah, here you go."
Guy 1: "So he says these are the tickets I can get, are those good seats?"
Guy 3: "Yeah, theyre ok I guess."
Guy 1: (Back to the Ticketmaster guy) "Ok, can I get those?"
TM: "Sorry, those tickets are gone now."
Guy 1: "...................umm......... ok, umm........ where can I get now?"
TM: "The best I can get you are Floor G, Row 8, Seats 9 and 10."
Guy 1: "Ok, umm, how much are those going to be?"
TM: "$75 each, plus a $12 service charge."
Guy 1: "$75 each, plus a $12 service charge?"
TM: "Yes."
Guy 1: "Ok, umm...... what can I get for $50?"
TM: "For $50 I can get you.... Loge 7, Row 3, Seats 12 and 13."
Guy 1: (Turning to Guy 3) "Can I see your map again?"
Guy 3: "Ok."
Guy 1: "So what do you think, are these good seats?"
Guy 3: "Well, if you get these seats you can see over the crowd (demonstrates this with his hands) and you wont have to worry about people standing up and blocking your view."
Guy 1: "So then I should get these then?"
Guy 3: "Yeah."
Guy 1: (Turning back to Ticketmaster) "Ok, can I get those?"
TM: "Sorry, those are gone now."
Guy 1: "..................... oh, what about those seats you told me the first time?"
TM: "Those are already gone."
Guy 1: "...............................ok, where can I get on the floor?"
TM: "The best right now is Floor Q, Row 5, Seats 4 and 5."
Guy 1: "And those are how much?"
TM: "$75 plus a $12 service charge."
Guy 1: "$75 plus a $12 service charge?"
TM: "Yes."
Guy 1: (Counting his money) "And for $50 I can get what again?"
TM: "Right now I can get you Loge 12, Row 9, Seats 16 and 17."
Guy 1: "...................................................................................... (to Guy 3) Can I see your map?"
Guy 3: "Sure."
Guy 1: "Hmm.... he says I can get here or here."
Guy 3: "Try to get these."
Guy 1: (Back to Ticketmaster) "Ok, can I get the floor ones?"
TM: Sorry, those are gone now."
Guy 1: "........................ ok, can I get the Loge ones?"
TM: "Sorry, those are now gone too."
Guy 1: "........................ umm............. can I just get the best you have then?"
TM: "That would be Floor Z, Row 70, Seats 99 and 100."
Guy 1: "And how much are those?"
TM: "$75 and a $12 service charge."
Guy 1: "Ok, Ill get those."

I swear to you, I wanted to go up and slap the boy upside the head. Did he not comprehend that he had to make a quick decision? Did he not comprehend that there was a line of people behind him that were losing seats cuz he was being a dumbass?
So what seats did I get? Not the ones I usually do cuz, for some odd reason, I was delayed getting to the ticket window. Hopefully theyll be pretty decent enough though and well have a good time. Otherwise, the next time my "friend" comes into the store, Im kicking his ass. For real.

Til next time...

-- DBW --

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