Friday, August 10, 2007

Countdown to Hell - Zero Hour

This post pains me. It really does. But I will continue to update it, and I fear on a regular basis, until the moment Barry Bonds officially enters Hell. In other words, until he passes Hank Aaron on the all time home run list. Join me, wont you?

May 5th, 2007 - Barry Bonds hit home run number 744. Thats just 11 behind Hank Aarons 755 mark for most home runs in a career. So sad. And Im sure there are a few people out there that think Im being too hard on the upstanding Mr Bonds, but for those of you I offer this: Bud Selig and Hank Aaron himself have both gone on record as saying neither will be at the game. Let that sink in for a second... did it sink yet?.... how about one more second... ok, the Commissioner of baseball and the home run king himself have both publicly turned their backs on Barry Bonds and the most hallowed record in baseball. If that doesnt say everything about this situation, then I dont know what does.

May 9th, 2007 - Barry Bonds has hit home run number 745. Hes now 10 behind Hank Aaron and expected to reach the mark on June 22nd. Boo.

May 27th, 2007 - After a drought that wasnt nearly long enough, Barroid hit 746. Whats the chances of him exploding - literally - before he hits nine more?

June 11th, 2007 - Two more long weeks passed before Barroid hits another homerun, number 747 to be exact. Think maybe... "someone else"... doesnt want this to happen and doing everything in their power to stall it? I hear Babe works in mysterious ways.

June 17th, 2007 - Fenway Park. Boston. Home to baseball legends Carl Yastrzemski, Cy Young, Babe Ruth, and Ted Williams. To name but a few. Today Barroid hit his first ever home run ther. Hippie skippy. Hes now at 748. Somewhere, Teds head is rolling over in its freezer.

June 22nd, 2007 - Yet another homerun for Barroid. Hes at 749. Im running out of words to describe my disgust.

June 29th, 2007 - Number 750 was hit by Barroid tonight. The good news is that its almost over and I wont have to write about it anymore. The bad news is that its almost over and Barroid will have the record. Also, a fan ran onto the field and up to Barroid and put his arm around him... unfortunately, he was not an Al Qaeda suicide bomber.

July 3rd, 2007 - Barroid hit 751... and like the previous 750, I did not care.

July 20th, 2007 - Barroid hit two home runs today. Hes now at 753, 2 away from Hank Aaron, and apparently no closer to leaving this earth before he passes him.

July 27th, 2007 - Barroid added another homerun to his total, putting him at 754 and just one shy of the 755 mark set by Hank Aaron. Come on people, its not too late for someone to step up and take him out. Not just for me, but for the good of baseball. Someone? Anyone?

August 4th, 2007 - Barroid tied Hank Aaron, against my Padres, today. I got to see it live, I was not impressed.

August 7th, 2007 - Barroid is now YOUR new home run king. Arent you proud?

After he became the "king" Barroid gave a press conference and said, "This record is not tainted at all. At all. Peroid."
If that statement right there doesnt prove that Barroid lives in his own world, a world where he really is the "greatest of all time", where he has never done anything wrong, and where hes the model of sportmanship, then I dont know what does. Good thing his roided head has expanded enough to contain his fantasy.

For now, thats all I got. Ill try and refrain from going off on Barroid again. Cant promise anything, but Ill try.

-- DBW --

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