Sunday night, Im sick and should be sleeping, but cuz my stomach was killing me I couldnt get to sleep. Lucky(?) for me, "24" was starting their new season with a two-part two hour thing. I had never seen a single episode, so I figured Id give it a shot. If it didnt interest me, hopefully it would at least help put me to sleep.
Im sure most of you have watched "24" at least once, but in case you dont even know the concept heres a very very brief explanation. Main character works for the government, and each season consists of 24 one hour episodes that take place in real time - so each season is one day.
In theory, this is pretty cool and a unique television concept, but after watching the two part season opener, Ive come to the conclusion that this is the most ridiculously implausible thing in the history of television. Ever. And this coming from a guy who watches wrestling. So, heres a summary of the show, with the times as theyre shown on screen.
Episode 1 takes place between 6am and 7am.
The good guy arrives on a plane after being released from a Chinese prison camp. Hes then taken to a hanger and debriefed by two government people (a process thats not normally quick). He then showers, shaves, cuts his hair, changes clothes, and does the rest of the cleaning up stuff.
13 minutes have passed!
As the 30 minute mark hits, the good guy is handcuffed to a grate in preparation to be handed over to the bad guy - whos pretending to be a good guy - as a trade for the bad guy giving up the whereabouts of whom the government believes to be the bad guy. Got that?
At the 45 minute mark, the bad guy takes the good guy and brings him back to his hideout.
At the 52 minute mark, the bad guy confesses the truth - that hes the real bad guy - to the good guy. The bad guy then begins torturing the good guy. The White House sends two helicopters to blow up who they think is the bad guy.
By the 59 minute mark, the good guy has killed a man, escaped torture, and hid in a sewer. The bad guys had noticed he was gone and gave chase... into an air duct.
Episode 2 takes place between 7am and 8am.
At the 00 mark, the bad guys are well into the sewer in search of the good guy - thus proving the age old adage that the quickest way to the sewer is through an air duct.
By 08, the good guy has escaped the bad buys... again, crawled to the sewer exit, found a car, broke into it, found a cell phone, called some security agency and had a conversation, got transferred to the President, had a debate, talked to the security agency again, had another conversation, used the cell phones gps to locate the presumed bad guy, hotwired the car, waited for the automatic gate to open, and drove away.
8 minutes passed!
By the 15 minute mark, the good guy had driven to the presumed bad guys house, ambushed a guard, took his gun, ambushed another guard, burst into the house, had a debate at gunpoint with several men, escaped with the presumed bad guy just in time cuz those helicopters finally got there and blew the house up.
7 minutes had passed!
At the 31 minute mark, the good guy and presumed bad guy make it to another house with one of the bad guys for "questioning" - it lasts 6 minutes
At the 50 minute mark, the good guy and presumed bad guy are tracking a suicide bomber and his handler through the streets and down into the subway. The good guy boards the subway with the bomber while the presumed bad guy heads back up top to chase the handler through the streets in a car. The good guy makes his way through the subway car, stops to talk to the ticket man, and continues to head toward the bomber. The bomber gets suspicious and flips the switch to blow himself and the train up, lucky for the passengers the good guy was able to kick the bomber through locked doors and out of the subway car just before he exploded. The good guy presses the emergency stop button on the subway and then exits through the now existent hole in the rear of the train. The good guy manages to find an exit in the tunnel, climbs to the surface, calls the presumed bad guy, has a conversation, and makes plans to meet up somewhere.
9 minutes have passed!!!
Were you paying attention to the times? From the time the good guy is retrieved by the bad guy until the time he escapes the subway tunnel, hes been tortured, escaped twice, killed a guy, disabled two others, dodged a missile strike by two military helicopters, questioned a suspect, tracked two terrorists through city streets, attacked a suicide bomber, and saved a subway and its passengers from explosion. All of this took 68 minutes. 68 minutes! How many of you can get ready for work in 68 minutes?
Seriously, this is the most idiotic show Ive ever watched. If they got rid of the time line, then I can actually watch it and enjoy it cuz it was pretty action packed and exciting. But man, once you start telling me that it took me longer to write about what happened than for it to actually happen... yeah, you lost me. Sorry.
Aight yo, thats my beef with tv. Next, we go to the movies. So until then...
-- DBW --