Saturday, January 13, 2007

Expunge him!!!

Greetings yall --

Well, if you know me personally, or if youve been reading any of my 37 blogs, and if youve been watching the sports news recently, you knew this was coming.

I HATE Barry Bonds.

In case you havent heard, Mr "I aint ever failed a drug test" failed a drug test. I know, youre shocked, huh? Me too. It apparently happened last year and were just hearing about it now because the results were supposed to be keep under wraps due to some agreement between MLB and MLBPA. Secrets dont stay secrets forever.
Even after he failed the test, he still bragged how he was always clean and nobody had anything on him. Balls. Thats what that takes. Big hairy balls.
But its all ok cuz in reality, he didnt really take drugs, it was an accident or something. Though he has since taken back this statement, he originally claimed that he took whatever he took from the locker of teammate Mark Sweeney. So it was Marks drugs not his. And he just wanted to make it clear the drugs belonged to MARK SWEENEY and not barry bonds. In effect, what hes also saying is that hes a theif who goes around popping any and all pill looking substances no matter what they are or where he finds them, even if he has to steal them from other peoples lockers. Gotcha.

"I never knowingly took drugs just like I never knowingly took steroids. Im clean man, clean I say. Anybody got some Cheetos?"

So now hes been caught lying about taking drugs. He "never took them" yet he did. So, should we believe him when he says "Ive never taken steroids" too? We should give him the benefit of the doubt considering that hes built up so much goodwill over the years, huh? Ok, Barry, we believe ya. We know, you were just looking for more "flax seed oil", right? Right.

Oh, speaking of "over the years" heres some random Barryisms just for fun.

- When the Giants signed Bonds to what was then the richest contract in baseball history, they also hired his father as hitting coach. Barry told friends, "He wouldn't have his job if it wasn't for me."

- As the elder Bonds battled cancer, Barry complained to friends about his dad "sitting on his ass."

- In a Playboy interview, Bonds compared his wife to toilet paper, explaining that he told her, "Toilet paper just sits there and waits . . . just like you."

- In an interview with the New York Times Magazine, Bonds said, "My grandmother wants me to get her some wheelchair that drives like a car. Why do I need to get her some wheelchair when she's gonna die anyway?"

Class act, eh?

Just... ya know... kill him now. Please. Seriously. Why does this guy continue to walk around instead of being expunged from the Earth?

Until the next time...

-- DBW --

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